I hadn’t realised how big Internet Cults have got in the last few years, but I suppose with the pandemic that makes a kind of sense. The lost and lonely are stuck at home, and the internet is the only place to turn for comfort or explanation on how you are feeling. There have also been a couple of documentaries on Twin Flames Universe recently, which as another web based cult has a few similarities but it was very different story (also completely wild in a very different way!).

The story of Love Has Won was mind blowing to me for a few different reasons.

• It is a cult with a female leader, which is pretty rare!
• Their belief system – if you call it that – is blatant chaotic nonsense that when not taking ideas from other religions and general new age beliefs, is clearly made up on the fly (more on that) but these people appear to be completely sold on it.
• So sold on it that when their Mother God was dying and turning silver before their eyes they claim they truly believed she was ascending, and ignored her pleas to be taking to a hospital.
• When she did finally die the kept her body for weeks in the belief that alien cloud spaceships would be coming to take her way.
• Even though this did not happen, they still believe to this day in the cult.
• Nobody faced charges for any of this!
• Everything was live streamed and put online, so there is hours and hours of footage that the cult put out there themselves.
• They take Robin William’s name in vain.

The documentary also felt unusual in that it was empathic, and featured both former and current cult members who were given space to tell their own story. While this cult has done a lot of damage, preys on the vulnerable and spreads hateful conspiracies it was interesting to get a window into understanding how people end up in these places. I saw a lot of untreated mental illness and trauma, and it was painfully clear that society had failed all of these people and so they turned to the internet… and I think Amy Carson can be included in that.

Mother God

In a nutshell, Amy Carlson was a charismatic former McDonalds manager from Dallas. She appears to have had a pretty typical Generation X life with influenced by divorced parents, diet culture and also an abusive stepmother that nobody took the time to process with her. After several relationship with abusive men she turned to spirituality (and psychedelics), left her five children (two of whom appear in the documentary), quit her job and took off to live with an aging hippy she met on internet forums.

This man was Amerith White Eagle, and he’d be her first “Father God” which is basically became the title she gives her to current boyfriend/guy she wants to fuck next. She went to join him in Crestone where they started a newsletter and a website called The Galactic Free Press, and they started to refer to themselves as “father and mother of all creation.”

The documentary shows lots of video and photos from this time with Amy lit with the sun directly behind her and speaking in what is a calming and appealing voice. I can see why people would be interested in this version of her, she just comes across as a pretty hippy lady talking about cloud space ships and conspiracy theories.

Who doesn’t like the idea of benevolent aliens living in cloud spaceships?

But at some point this idea that everyone is in part of mother and father of creation, turned into Amy specifically and literally being the Mother of All Creation.

“Archangel Michael”

One of the people that found her online is a man called Miguel Lamboy (aka Archangel Michael aka Michael Silver). He had a background in tech and finance, and claims to believe Amy cured his cancer. Later events, I think, cast doubt on whether he was a true believer or saw an opportunity to make some money. He appears to have persuaded her to leave Amerith, and the pair took off to a new place in Mount Shasta.

It was here that the cult started to form, around 2014. The documentary features Andrew, a young man at the time suffering grief and a painkiller addiction following an accident. He was into 9/11 conspiracies which lead him to Amy’s conspiracy theory videos. He ended up going to join them, and – young and handsome as he was – quickly became Amy’s second Father God.

The way he talks about this is wild. He explicitly says she was pretty but he wasn’t attracted to her, but that he basically powered through sex thinking it was some kind of test of his faith, until he eventually grew to love her. He also said she was sexually charged but quite lazy in bed. I did laugh out loud at this part.

According to Andrew they used his disability money to pay for food and weed, and were high 24/7. You can see in footage they are blitzed out their minds, especially Miguel. Andrew, with a background in digital marketing, helped them grow the website and rebrand as Love Has Won, and they started to accept donations and charge people $88.88 for Amy’s online “spiritual healings.”

Andrew says he never really believed she was God, and grew concerned about her heavy drinking and mental health. He tried to help her but claims every time he got her to admit it wasn’t real Miguel would ground her back into the delusions. Eventually they kicked Andrew out.

Love Has Won

Around this time this point they kicked things up another gear. A British woman who’s cult name is Faith, but her real name is Avigail, joined them and it seems like she was the one that invited all the others to the house.

The core of the cult starts to form, and the ones we get to know through their own words in this documentary are:

• Faith (aka Avigail Lowes) – British “faith healer” who’d drifted around 53 counties.
• Hope (aka Ashley Peluso) – She appears to have been a pretty normal young woman who smoked a lot of weed, and seemed generally angry after her parents got divorced. She had broken up with her boyfriend, and lost a job so ran off to the join the cult. I honestly find her one of the most disturbing members, she is so angry and mean spirited.
• Aurora (aka Lauren Suarez) – From what she says of herself she was bit of a princess from south Florida (she really seems to want people to know she wasn’t poor), and it sounds like just couldn’t cope with failure in the job market. I believe she was a law student at one time. She and Hope became the most prominent faces on the live streams.
• El Morya (aka Ryan) – After his Dad had died from an Oxy addiction he turned to spirituality to cope with his grief.
• Mother Mary – A 60 year old woman who after her marriage ended was I guess looking for something new. She was the oldest so I guess got to be christened as “Mother.”
• FM/Father Multiverse (aka John Robertson) – an army veteran who clearly had some trauma and self-esteem issues, but he otherwise comes across as rather gentle. He was Father God #3 for a time until Jason Castillo showed up and he was demoted to Father of the Multiverse. In lots of video footage is seems like he became a punching bag for Jason, and takes a lot of abuse.
• Commander Buddah (Gabriel Gomez)- Clearly named because he is bald. He cashed out his 401K retirement fun and gave it to the cult. There were clips of livestreams with him laughing about “get your kool-aid” and claiming that “the cabal” eat children.
• Erin – This woman made me so uncomfortable because she looked on the literal edge of a full breakdown at all times. She describes her childhood of “sexual torture” sexual trauma, rape, torture and abuse.” She clearly needed some serious professional help. She brought her three children into the cult, but at some point her own mother came to take them away.
• Jason Castillo aka the final Father God (FG#4)- a drifter and meth addict with a criminal record. He is an all around scary, predatory guy you would not want to be around. Everyone credits Jason as the beginning of the end for Amy Carlson and shattering the previous chill hippy vibe the group had. The documentary first introduces him with an ankle monitor strapped to a leg dangling over the side of a motel bathtub.

Of the core group everyone came on the same day so it was one big party in 2018. They arrived at the house and were immediately given weed and love bombed to oblivion. There is plenty of footage of this happening from their live streams. They are visibly stoned out their minds!

The group then start live streaming almost 24/7 – which is how there is so much footage of them. Along with peddling the worst in anti-sematic conspiracy theories, they started to sell – along with the “healings” – crystals, clothes, toiletries, herbal supplements and nonsense cure-alls like colloidal silver, which they made themselves.

And subscription boxes that included letters from Robin William’s ghost.

Beliefs

The beliefs are hard to pin down, it just seems to be a random jumble nonsense mix of ideas taken from various New Age religions, pop culture and QAnon conspiracies. The gist of it as far as I was able to understand:

• Amy is Mother God, The Mother of All Creation. She has lived countless past lives which include the favourite dead celebrities of any typical Gen Xer.
• She is now on Earth to save humanity somehow by cleansing us of our sins I guess? There is also a load of antisemetic QAnon crap about the “cabal.”
• She has a “Galactic Team” of “etheric advisors” mostly main up of dead celebrities… and Donald Trump… who help her on this mission I guess be providing advice and guidance.
• Elvis was her son?!
• Along with St Germain, Robin Williams’ ghost is her main advisor and many of the high ranking cult members are on first name terms with him (literally they kept mentioning “Robin” and I kept forgetting who they meant!).
• These guys are enlightened in the 5D world and the rest of us live in the 3D world.

I’m sure this all makes sense when you are severely sleep deprived and on a lot of drugs.

Cult Rules

• They are not allowed to do drugs… but… alcohol, marijuana and mushrooms don’t count because they’re “medicine” so plenty of that, especially for “Mom.”
• They were not allowed to sleep more than a few hours a night, because they must always be working on the mission. I believe the ideal rule was to not sleep for more than 30 minutes at a time.
• There were also some fucked up rules around food which is why everyone dramatically loses weight. Amy had an eating disorder as a teenager, so I think that plus food being expensive was the reason behind it.
• Everyone pools money, which is managed by Miguel. You don’t technically have to give up your money but if you don’t you’ll have to take a lot of shit.
• They must cut ties with family to “let go of the programming.” The documentary doesn’t go into this but you can listen to this clip of Miguel on YouTube.
• “Mom” gets whatever she wants which includes huge amounts of alcohol, crap from amazon, spending crazy money on mobile games (she uses these to “fight the cabal” LOL) … and a go cart. This all comes from her “joy fund.”
• They must live stream 24/7 to spread their messages.
• They also have this idea of “twin flames” and cult members would have to pair up on Amy’s whims. The documentary doesn’t mention any sexual abuse but I think its obvious how this system can be abused, and I find it impossible to believe a man like Jason was in a house with all those brainwashed attractive young women and didn’t do anything to them.
• There are punishments for not “being in right action” though the documentary has no mention of this. There was one clearly seriously mentally ill follower kicked out and found by authorities wandering naked and dehydrated in the Colorado mountains.

The documentary leaves most of this out, but they also were hardcore into the worst conspiracy theories and QAnon bullshit about the “cabal.” The most you see is Hope and Aurora talking about Hitler “working for the light” and that Q stands for “Mom, Queen of the Universe.”

“The worst quesadilla in all creation”

Starved and not allowed to sleep for more than 30 minutes at a time, everyone ends up looking old, exhausted, strung out and generally like shit. But nobody more than Mother God herself.

Amy had some obvious mental health issues and clearly was a hardcore alcoholic. There is so much footage of her being handed giant glasses of alcohol as she slurs and sloshes it around. Her followers saw her vast alcohol consumption as proof of her divine powers.

“To the untrained eye it would look like a severe case of alcoholism, but she was the only human being I could see consume that amount and keep that level of coherence”

said Commander Buddah

At one point they accidentally set fire to their house in Oregon (Erin says she was “called to burn sage”) and Hope describes having the chance to save her laptop or Mom’s vodka… and she chose the vodka.

There is a lot of footage of Amy being a loud, mean and belligerent drunk. Even footage she is not in you can hear her screaming at them off camera. The cult pass this off as a both the fault of “humanities dysfunction” and also “have seen Robin Williams come through mother god because she’s on alcohol.” I am unclear if this means Robin William’s ghost is a mean drunk? Honestly nothing these people say makes sense, all their beliefs get contradicted a sentence later!

Seeing her hurl drunken abuse at them is hard to watch but also often kind of hilarious in just how absurd it is. There is one moment where Ryan is forced to confess on a live stream

“I’ve taken mother’s joy by making her the worst quesadilla in all creation”

There is another where John (Father of the Multiverse) gets screamed at for bringing her meatballs instead of “her vision” chicken parmesan. Her slurred yelling “I love meatballs, but I didn’t fucking say that” before she berates him is tragically hilarious, If you watch poor John you can see his visibly exhausted and broken.

Again, this is the woman they believe is The Mother of All Creation.

“God” loves calling people whores.

Father God No.4 : “All the lower masculine energies”

Jason Castillo can also be seen and heard berating John in that clip. In his position as Father God he ran amuck in the cult, and there are plenty of clips of him being abusive. He seems to have brought a manic and dangerous energy to the cult (or as El Morya delicately puts it “all the lower masculine energy”), along with blasting heavy metal music that ruined their chill vibe. Also note that he always looks pretty well fed and muscular, unlike everyone else.

Honestly this looking at this guy before he ever spoke gave me all the bad vibes. Everything about him screams run away.

At one point Amy did kick him out over his crystal meth use (meth is a drug and not a medicine), and they moved to Oregon leaving him behind. He tracked them down 4 days later, after travelling 500 miles with no money. This is treated as a happy divine event and he is welcome back, when really its fucking terrifying!

Honestly the whole atmosphere of the house they were seems like my worse nightmare. Noise, chaos, lack of sleep and food and lunatics screaming nonsensical abuse 24/7. I don’t know how anyone could sit in that and this it is in any way divine!

Mother God’s “Ascension”

Amy’s health started to quickly deteriorate, and it is honestly shocking to see how much her appearance changes. She claimed to have “stage 5” bone cancer (amongst many other things in this compilation of clips) while on Doctor Phil, but a coroners report done later found no sign of that. Much more likely explanation for her symptoms would be liver failure given her alcohol consumption, and her lack of food.

She loses a horrifying amount of weight, until she’s skeletal and with swollen feet she loses the use of her legs and Jason begins to carry her around.

Instead of taking the obviously dying woman for medical treatment they instead dose her (under the guidance of Robin William’s ghost) with increasing amounts of their colloidal silver “tinctures.” In clips you see her handed cup after cup of it, and in the end Faith was quite literally pouring it down her throat undiluted.

This turned her face an incredible blue-silver.

Juxtapose this with a clip of Hope on a livestream laughing about someone in the chat saying it can turn you blue, and claiming that is only if you are an idiot and made it wrong…

Amy ended up looking like a blue skeleton. It’s so shocking.

Hope and Aurora on their live streams laugh about “Mom” asking to be taken to a 3D hospital and they dismiss it as an obvious ploy by bad actors, because Mom would never in her right mind set foot. It would be a “death sentence” to do so.

Mum asked us to take her to a 3D hospital, and we said nope. There’s no way that Mom would go to a 3D Doctor. They would be so perplexed by Mom to begin with.

Aurora on live stream.

Amy’s family tell the documentary that she did receive some contact from her before she passed but she wouldn’t come home, and they were too scared to go to her. They tried Doctor Phil (there are clips from the episode on YouTube), they tried to get wellness check done by the authorities and get the FBI to look into the cult’s activities but nothing was ever done.

It seems like Amy knew she was dying, but whether she was coherent enough to recognise that her followers were now so brainwashed that they were killing her I think its hard to know.

The stories around her final death area little suss to me. They Jason and Faith took her to Oregon (this is after they got chased out of Hawaii in 2020) and checked into a hotel. Hope and Aurora decided to follow them there, apparently without warning. The Galactics guided the group to give her a muscle relaxer to ease the pain, after which she couldn’t move. At some point it sounds like Faith (the “healer”) saw what was coming and ran away to “grieve” and she is curiously missing from the rest of the story.

After Amy finally died they kept her with them in the hotel room for at least a few days until the hotel stay tried to come in and force them out. With her wrapped up Weekend At Bernie’s style in the back of the car, they took her to a forest and camped for a few days while they waited for the Galactics to show up in their spaceship and take her away. Obviously this did not happen.

Apparently motivated by the news that Miguel had withdrawn all the cults money (which was all in accounts in his name, about $300,000), Jason sent the girls away to do laundry and took the opportunity to throw the body, El Morya and FM into the car and hoof it back to Colorado to stop him.

They got back, and it seems in some fashion took Miguel’s two year old son hostage to stop him leaving. So Michael – who it seems had recognised that the final death of Amy was the end of his cult scam – went to the police to report the body, and have them all kicked out of the house which was also owned in his name. He got his kid and his $300,000 and it seems booked it out of there.

I learned from Reddit that Faith was the mother of the child, though their relationship was more the result of Amy declaring them “twin flames” than any romantic connection and the two have long been separate agents. It appears that the child lives with her now.

At the house the police found Amy’s decomposing body wrapped up in sleeping bags and Christmas lights and adored with glitter.

The gang that transported the body were arrested but never charged. The coroner concluded that Amy died of natural causes due to her history of alcohol abuse, anorexia, and all that fucking colloidal silver! They did not find any sign of “stage five cancer.”

Joy Rains & 5D Full Disclosure

After all this the members divided into two off shoot cults. Joy Rains has a handful of members lead by Jason Castillo (I was sat to see that John/FM was with him) while Aurora and Hope head up the remainder rebranded as 5D Full Disclosure. They now run this “Mother Earth’s Crystal School,” still sell all the “high vibrational” products online and do live streams.

They all claim to still believe in Mother God, but they do appear to be better fed and more more well rested these days. The documentary ended with Hope speaking to her mother on the phone.

Something about this cult has really gotten into my head. They are one of those “the truth is stranger than fiction” cases, with an experience so far away from my own that its hard to wrap my head around how things like this happen. I can’t imagine ever believe that drunk lady sitting in bed screaming about meatballs and calling every whores is God, but then I’ve never experienced mental illness or mind altering drugs.

Some of the more interesting sources I’ve read/watched:

• Virginia Pelley. Love Has Lost, Marie Claire. September 07, 2021 – a really informative article about the cult and the fallout.
• Justin Vallejo. ‘They become re-wired, a different person’: Inside the fight to deprogram Love Has Won cult members, Independent. 10 June 2021- interviews with family members working on deprogramming their loved ones.
• The INSANE story of the Love Has Won cult & Amy Carlson | DEEP DIVE by Weird Reads with Emily Louise is a comprehensive YouTube video.
• One of my faves Fundie Fridays made two videos, the latest being post-doc Love has Won Updates.