10 Good Things (Joyful Moments #12)

Top Ten Tuesday is currently hosted by artsyreadergirl and has weekly topics for bloggers to respond to and share. Click the link for more info and to read more submitted posts!

The prompt this week is for the most anticipated releases for the second half of the year. I find this type of hard because I don’t pay any attention to new releases, and do not have it in me to put the effort into doing that kind of research today. Instead, I decided I’d share the post I’d drafted yesterday, and I’m still going to tag it so I know why I “missed” a Top Ten Tuesday prompt when I look back in the future! It’s not book-related, but it is an old Ten Joyful Moments habit I have that helps me when I’m feeling really low. Still a Top Ten, so I think it can still count… if you are here for just books, sorry, and I will be back next week!

My social anxiety is kicking right off this week.

I think I’ve hit a little perfect storm of exhaustion from last week’s heatwave (too hot to sleep, and the cat woke us up at 4 am every bloody morning!), a really intense and busy weekend, and now I have my period which has turned out to be heavier that usually and has massively wiped me out (possibly because I also forgot to take my iron supplements last week!). In this weakened state my anxiety has also gone fucking haywire and I’m just feeling completely raw and emotional vulnerable.

Any of you out there who get Social Anxiety will know the feeling. I have had objectively lovely and successful social occasions in the last few weeks. I got married, people have been lovely, and I went to a nice family party for my parents’ wedding anniversary at the weekend, where I felt actively useful, and I spoke to people significantly more than I usually do! Normally, I’d be able to feel good about how things are going.

AND YET… all my brain wants to dwell on is the fact that the day my work colleagues gave me lots of lovely gifts, I also overheard they were going for after-work drinks with the colleague who had left, and I was not invited. Now I wouldn’t have wanted to go that day (very busy getting ready for the wedding), and I get it – they have all been friends for many years, and I’m not in the group chat – but it still stings not to be included. And the handful of times (I thought) I felt my friends annoyed or bored by me on my otherwise incredibly lovely hen do, on which I’ve never felt more loved and appreciated (all these times were instances where I am aware my behaviour is affected by my Anxiety!).

And also the fact that my brother’s new girlfriend, while in a conversation with me, asks me a question and then visibly does not pay attention when I speak. This has happened every time I’ve met her (three times), and it’s getting hard not to form a bad opinion of her (everyone else appears to love her) and this also makes me more anxious and paranoid, which worsens my bad habits (rushing to speak, talking too fast, too quietly etc).

Readers of my blog will know this is a long-time and recurring problem, and I need to work on building back up my resistance to my social anxiety. Now the wedding is over and done with, I think I can start to focus on this. I’ve got some ideas… I found a book club I may try, and if not, a way I could start my own. And maybe options I could try to find or start a craft group.

Anyway, to get to the Top Ten… I haven’t written one of these posts in a while but I used to be in a semi-regular habit of writing a list of joyful moments when I found myself feeling depressed! The last one was December, when I was feeling overwhelmed with work in the lead up to Christmas. They do help me, usually by the time I’ve written out my troubles and thought up the recent bright spots in my life, I’m feeling a bit better, and I love having these to look back on as well.

Bonus, I wrote this while on my under-desk treadmill, so I think getting a bit of exercise has also been good for my brain!

10 Good Things

1. I have married the most wonderful man in, which is very patient with my fluctuating moods and energy levels, and I’m incredibly lucky to have found him!
2. We had the wedding we wanted, and we are really excited about the photos… though, I am a bit paranoid they are taking so long because the photographer is trying to work out what to do about the blue pants you can definitely see through my dress that have ruined all the good ones… I am having to just laugh about this, otherwise I’ll cry. 😂
3. We’ve got lots of cards and gifts from people, even though we said we didn’t want gifts! I’ve got a little collection of roses to plant now! I had loads of my Mum’s friends seek me out to give me congratulations too, which was nice, felt kind of weird because I don’t really know them, but nice nonetheless!
4. I received a decent 5% pay rise at work, which has brought me almost back to the level of pay I had in my previous job. Moving jobs has definitely been worth it for the benefits, more annual leave and the lovely people I’ve met and more challenging work.
5. Now I’ve (re)learned how to do it, and have nice products, I am really enjoying wearing make-up again and putting more effort into styling my hair! I think it has helped me confidence a little bit. I don’t do this every day, but on those rare occasions when I leave the house for a day or evening out!
6. On a related note, I am very proud that I finally learned how to use curling irons at 37 years old!
7. I went to see Greg Davies live and it was brilliant. This was also the first time ever that my brother, sister and I have been for a night out just the three of us! Incredible!
8. I am doing really well on the walking challenge, I’m succeeding at my personal goal of steadily increasing my daily average steps until I’m at 8K a day!
9. I am also very proud of myself for sticking with running for the longest time ever, and still enjoying it. I’ve not been able to go for a couple of weeks with holiday, and then a heatwave (too fucking hot plus terrible sleep for a week!), and I am missing doing it!
10. I am loving the audiobook for Rivers of London at the moment. I’ve not been so eager to get books from the Library since Murderbot! I’ve been trying to slow down my pace with them because it’s usually a few weeks in the queue for the next one.

What are some positive things you’re grateful for in your life lately?