I try to recognise the little victories and improvements in my social anxieties, and this week I’ve realised I’ve had some real wins.
I experienced my first ever team days at work. Once a year my division gets together in person for various meetings and workshops, it’s meant for planning, strategising and a little team building.
Our new Big Boss was there, to meet most of us for the first time, and everyone in our team was asked to give a short presentation. I was paired up for mine with the other newish person.
I have very little experience giving presentations, and never had to do anything for work like this before. I realised I was nervous about it, but actually not as cripplingly anxious as I would have expected.
When I came to stand up there I was a bit shakey but no more than I noticed anyone else was. Especially when it became clear that the Big Boss was a big asker of questions and not one 5 min presentation was gotten through without at least 30 mins discussion!
But, I felt like I delivered my bit well. I surprised myself!
I think I was less anxious because I felt supported and part of a team. We all had a shared purpose, and we trust each other to have our backs.
I didn’t fear that anyone was going to judge me negatively.
I also, maybe for the first time ever, felt confident to participate in group discussion. Groups are always my biggest anxiety trigger, so speaking up and offering ideas – as a new person – is actually a big deal for me.
Again, it’s because everyone listens and nobody is precious about being right. It’s collaborative.
I even went for drinks after work – I very nearly didn’t because I was exhausted but I decided I had just enough left in the tank to go for one, as another social anxiety training opportunity – and, you know, I felt good about how much I participated in conversation.
I’m realising more, and more, that my anxiety comes from being used to environments with stronger louder personalities, where I never feel like my voice is heard or valued.
It’s amazing to work with a team of introverts, honestly.
In the 6 months since I started this job it’s really quite miraculous how much more confident I feel.
