9 Books I Read To Escape On The Most Painful Holiday Of My Life (Top Ten Tuesday)

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When I read the prompt for 10 books that provided a “much-needed escape” it immediately took me back to the time in my life where I truly did need an escape from the situation I was in, and books where just how I did that.

I’ve mentioned this in passing before (actually on my DNF tag list last week!) but I’ve not talked about it in much depth. In August 2016 I was 28 and I’d been living with my boyfriend of two years for about a year. This was someone I thought I was in love with, but I had been struggling with anxiety and depression for a while (at the time I didn’t understand why but with hindsight it’s clear why!). When he broke up with me it came as a big shock and terrible timing because we were a month away from an expensive 10 day holiday together!

We decided we’d still go on the holiday. I don’t think this was necessarily the best decision, and not one I’d advise anyone else to do without careful thought… But I really needed that holiday! I’d been looking forward to it for months, the only thing I’d had to look forward to, and I didn’t feel like I could afford to lose the money on it. I also didn’t have anybody I could ask to go with me.

So I spent 10 days in a beautiful resort hotel in Cape Verde with my ex-boyfriend of a month, that I also still lived with, who had now pulled off his mask and turned into somebody I didn’t recognise.

Needless to say it was a very weird, and a very intense rollercoaster of emotions (I’ve never done so much crying in a hotel bathroom!) but it certainly taught me a lot about myself!

Oddly though, it wasn’t all bad. I do have fond memories of relaxing in the sun, by the peaceful adults only pool, with all inclusive pina coladas brought to me by the wait staff. Switching off, just snoozing and reading. It is bizarrely one of the memories I return to when my yoga instructor invited us to conjure bliss in shavasana!

Somehow this holiday was both the worst I’ve ever felt, and at other times the most relaxed. I guess when the worst thing you can think of has happened to you that releases a lot of anxiety. 

I think it was a relief to realise that there wasn’t anything wrong with me, that this man was in fact full of shit, and that I’ve felt terrible for months because, with my love googles on, I’d been ignoring my intuition over his behaviour. Now I could clearly see it all, and I’d found power and self-esteem in that. I liked myself again!

But to get back to the prompt, books have never been a truer escape for me! With all that time to kill in avoiding tense conversations my ex, I got through 9 books in 10 days!

Looking at my Goodreads ratings they were all corkers too, I enjoyed every one.

1 A Darker Shade of Magic (Shades of Magic, #1) by V.E. Schwab ★★★★

2 A Gathering of Shadows (Shades of Magic, #2) by V.E. Schwab ★★★★

Reading these was an early attempt to find fantasy by female authors to enjoy, and I remember loving them and really getting lost in it. I am curious to re-read this and I’d like them as much as the first time.

3 The Blind Assassin by Margaret Atwood ★★★★★

4 The Handmaid’s Tale by Margaret Atwood ★★★★

So yeah The Handmaid’s Tale is not what I’d ever call a “beach read” and it had many, many deeply disturbing scenes that feel a bit strange to read on a sun lounger with a Pina colada.. but that’s how I read it! And Blind Assassin as I mentioned in my DNF list was a second attempt and this time I could not put it down – with my heart smashed to pieces I was ready for a more mature story! 

5 A Scanner Darkly by Philip K. Dick ★★★★

I really need to get back to reading more PKD! Like all his books this was weird, but I was absorbed by it and found the autobiographical nature of it quite moving.

6 Doctor Sleep (The Shining, #2) by Stephen King ★★★★

I don’t read Stephen King that often but whenever I do I’m surprised again by how easy to fall into they are. As a sequel to The Shining I had low expectations but surprised by how much I enjoyed it. Not that I can remember much of it now!

7 Good Omens: The Nice and Accurate Prophecies of Agnes Nutter, Witch by Terry Pratchett and Niel Gaiman ★★★★

8 Mort (Discworld, #4; Death, #1) by Terry Pratchett ★★★★

9 Sourcery (Discworld, #5; Rincewind #3) by Terry Pratchett ★★★★

I love some Pratchett when I’m in the right mood and that was on this holiday! These books are so fun, but I especially enjoyed Death!

But that only takes me to 9!

So to make it to 10 I don’t want to start a whole other list so I’m going to throw in Funny Story by Emily Henry which just helped me escape last month’s reading slump! I blew through the audiobook in a few days, and it got me excited and motivated to walk and to strip the old paint off the bathroom ceiling over the weekend!